FREE ELVIS!
By Eleanor Gaver, Sam Messer, Jo Messer
FREE ELVIS! was my only thought when I entered the bar the night of October 28, 2021. The tables were full but the vibe wasn’t the same. This was no Great Jones. Gone were the Cajun shots, the dancing naked on the bar and sex in the bathrooms. All of these diners were well dressed and actually using their napkins.
No wonder Elvis looked forlorn in the window. An assortment of candles and glasses surrounded him, but it was not a shrine more of a dumping ground. Sam moved everything to one side and held open the door so I could assist Elvis in his escape. Embracing him, I marched down Great Jones street with Alex, Jo’s boyfriend. At the corner we stopped and looked back. Jo and Sam were talking to someone. Alex lit a cigarette and sucked on it. What were they doing?
Later, Sam told us the manager stopped him and Sam explained the Elvis was ours and we had put it in the window in 1985. When the manager heard the story he said, “If you had told me I would have given you Elvis.” He even offered Sam and Jo a drink. To make absolutely sure all was well, Jo gave the manager $100 for Elvis which he accepted.
An hour later, Sam got a text from the Owner saying, “Return Elvis immediately or I’ll call the police.” “How did he get your phone number?” “I gave the manager my name and number, “Sam admitted. We laughed. Only Sam would “filch” something and then volunteer his contact info.
The Owner kept calling every ten minutes and we did what every Great Jones regular would do when menaced, we ignored it. His threat was baseless. It was our Elvis plus Jo had paid the manager. Case closed. Not quite.
A couple of days later, a friend texted us a photo from Instagram and asked “Is this you guys?” It was a photo of Sam and I from my IG account of our block party and the Owner, ignorant of his homage to Baldessari, put red circles over our faces, wrote THIEVES at the bottom and posted it on his IG account. “They think they’ve pulled off some sort of clever caper. We caught one of the accomplices red handed while the other made off with the sculpture…and if these crooks don’t return …the Elvis that they have stolen in the next 24 hours we’ll let you know exactly who they are and where to find them.”
Fuck him. Bring it. The owner D.M.ed his post to Jo and she said, “His followers will shit on your stoop.” How quickly the Owner’s lying made his followers turn ugly made us want to return Elvis. Ira Glass from This American Life heard about our Elvis saga and sent a producer to record the return.
Two weeks later, three cops came to our door. “We’re the warrant squad and we have a warrant for your arrest.” Sam explained we had returned the Elvis and they advised us to go to the precinct and tell Detective McVeigh, who was in charge of the case. We sat in the precinct lobby waiting and when Detective McVeigh came down he said, “You’re under arrest.” Sam called his attorney and stepped closer to the door to hear better. McVeigh grabbed Sam’s arm and I said, “Let go of him. He had nothing to do with it. I did it.” McVeigh said,” You just admitted guilt and you’re both under arrest for a felony.” “Felony?” McVeigh nodded. “The Owner said the Elvis is worth $20,000.”
McVeigh fingerprinted us both, put Sam in a cell and handcuffed me to the leg of the table in the interrogation room. Several hours went by. Jo brought a sandwich for Sam and a salad for me, so far the only one I’ve eaten handcuffed.
We hired a lawyer who asked what the Elvis was worth. Sam assured him the Elvis was neither art nor sculpture like the Owner believed but a kitsch plaster bust which can be purchased on EBay today for around $200. For this $200 felony we appeared in court twice and paid our lawyer $5,000.
But the case wasn’t over. If the state kept prosecuting it would get more expensive. Sam asked Phil Hartman, one of the original owners of the Great Jones, to write a letter on our behalf. Luckily, the Assistant District Attorney was a fan of Two Boots Pizza, which Phil also owns, and he called Phil. Phil saved the day by assuring him the Elvis was ours and it was on loan to the Great Jones. The ADA gave us the benefit of the doubt and said our case would be dismissed in six months as long as we didn’t commit any crimes before then. Nine months after freeing Elvis, on July 12, 2022 we were no longer felons.
The Great Jones was a special place for all of us, a place before cell phones where people went because they knew something extraordinary could happen.
In his IG post, the Owner accused us of disrespecting the history of the Great Jones, but the Owner doesn’t understand its history. But we can teach him. Let’s FREE ELVIS AGAIN!
